Monday, October 18, 2010

Grandparent Guilt

I am really lucky and still have all four of my grandparents. I know this is rather unusual I try not to ever take it for granted. You get a sense of security and you think they will be with you forever. But the fact of the matter is that they are all in their 80's. Fortunately they are all pretty healthy and living wonderful lives..... but I don't see them nearly as much as I should.

This weekend we made the trip to see one set of my grandparents. They don't live very far from us (about an hour and a half) but the drive to see them is brutal. There is ALWAYS tons of traffic! So we have been avoiding this trip since our daughter was born (16 months ago). This is terrible of me. I was selfish and didn't want to do the drive for over a year. They have come to us twice (for her Baptism and her first Christmas), so at least they have spent some time with her. But the fact is that I have kind of deprived them of seeing her grow and change because I wouldn't make the trip to see them. Yes, the drive is hard and it's not fun... but it's totally doable once every couple of months.

So I was so glad we went this weekend and they got to see their great granddaughter. But now I have all kinds of guilt from what I didn't do for them in the past. And I feel a lot of pressure for the future.  The holidays are always tough. We have my parents and sister, my husbands parents and brother, and my grandparents. It's hard to make everyone happy and it gets very stressful. My dad has been great and offers to go out and pick my grandparents up and bring them to us for the holidays so we can all be together. But traveling is getting tough for them because they aren't comfortable in the car.

So now I'm worrying about the holidays. I wanted Thanksgiving and my mom wanted Christmas. So right there all the holidays are in NJ and we don't know if my grandparents will be able to come to both or even one. And I don't want to miss these holidays with them because I worry about how many more they have left.

And then my other set of grandparents are in Florida. They drove up when our daughter was born and got to meet her, but haven't seen her since. Why haven't I gotten on a plane and brought her to them? Because I've been selfish and want the easy way out. It's easier to not travel with a toddler.... but I might be missing my chance to share my baby with them.

We are very close with all my grandparents. We talk every week and send pictures. But it's not the same for me or them. This has been bothering me and I figured I could air my dirty laundry for my fellow mommy's. Are any if you in similar situations? Are the holidays tough for you?


Jenn said...

Glad you got to spend the weekend with your grandparents. I know exactly what you mean about the drive. My whole family lives two hours and even though we try to go home every few months it's hard with kids. Definitely important and glad that you had the chance to see your family!

trooppetrie said...

trying not to be jealous of you. It is so hard. We want to be around family but the drive is brutal with four kids. I always feel like we are leaving someone out

Mom vs. the boys said...

I haven't had grandparents for years and years but my husband still has his grandma and we cherish her. It's so hard to make the effort to travel. we live 3 hours away from all of our family and I get really annoyed and tired of always being the one to travel to them. it should work both ways. we are the ones that have to pack up 3 small boys and a large lab and make the trip but no one wants to come here when it's just them. no kids, no worries. it's hard to make everyone happy. we've never done a plane though, that would be interesting, do you think you'll do that soon?

Lara said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels traveling with kids is tough! I would love to get down to Florida this spring. We have to add into it the fact that I don't like flying. So it should be really interesting... haha! But I really think it will be worth it :)